No Regrets, Just Lessons Learned

Life Lesson No. 52 – Make a ‘To Don’t’ List.

prettywittyone — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 04:02:15 +0000

Welp! We did it! We have made yet another revolution around the sun. And revolutions call for resolutions! Okay, I’m a few weeks early. But this is the time when most people have a day or two off coming and they’ll get the opportunity to contemplate the passing time and how they’d like to see their future. By Monday, January 2nd, besides screwing up the date a few times, out of habit, it will just be same stuff, different day. Most people (myself , included) will make a bunch of resolutions (gyms will be packed!) that they probably will break by Valentine’s Day. So, this year, I thought it it would be interesting to instead attempt to evaluate myself and make a to don’t list. I find that in myself and the people around me, a lot of issues lie not in the things they haven’t gotten around to doing, but in the bad habits and behaviors they practice every day. So as to not feign pure creative genius, this blog post was inspired by this one, which I seriously encourage everyone to read for inspiration on their list. Cheers!

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

Life Lesson No. 51 – You can’t save people from themselves.

prettywittyone — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 15:52:08 +0000

Last week, my friend was a sobbing, miserable hot mess after her boyfriend of four months abruptly dumped her. This week, she has allowed him to move in with her. All reasonable signs indicate that it is highly likely that she is “the other woman.” I can’t even bring myself to call her because it pains me to watch this smart, educated, (there is a difference), funny, fun, career-woman, with her own car and her own apartment allow a man whose life and priorities are so disorganized into her life after he has, so obviously, disrespected her. But since this is not the first time I’ve watched a friend make such poor decisions in love, I know it is only a matter of time before she realizes the error of her ways. And having watched several girlfriends become attached to men who are simply wrong for them, and even experiencing that realization myself, I have learned that especially when it comes to “love”, there is no amount of lecturing and talking that can make someone realize they are in a relationshit*, until they are ready to see and accept that for themselves. And then they have to find another level of personal readiness to break off the dysfunctional affair. Though I want to shake the hell out of my friends, I can’t have sense for them. I can only be there to listen and advise (when they ask for it). I can be there to pick up the pieces. Above all, I must not allow my personal zen to be disrupted if they decide to allow the lame excuse for a boyfriend back for more drama and heartbreak. This lesson is two-fold. 1) With your judgement clouded and your rational-thinking hampered, love makes you stupid. (I’m willing to bet your IQ is significantly lower.) 2) You can’t save people from their own stupidity.

“God made women beautiful and foolish, beautiful so that he may love her and foolish so that she may love him.” – Author Unknown

*From the mind of L.J. Sanchez

Life Lesson No. 50 – “Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised.*”

prettywittyone — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 17:05:11 +0000

I turned 25 a couple weeks ago and it was fabulous. I celebrated with hang gliding, finally seeing Fuerza Bruta (glad I paid half price), and a get-together with friends. I envisioned a bunch of homies chowing down on some Mexican food, being entertained by an outrageous drag queen or two, and a souvenir photo involving sombreros. Being the planner I am, I called Maracas a month in advance for reservations. Assuring me they could accomadate a group of 20 (I didn’t actually expect everyone to show up, of course), they told me to call back to reserve 2 weeks prior to the desired date of the shebang. I did. Everything went smoothly. Three days before, I hadn’t received the customary confirmation call nor had the phone number I called before seem to be working. But the website was still up and running. Yelp had not reported any closings…and I made a birthday reservation for 20! If anything, they would have called to cancel, right? Wrong. As I walked up to 33 Greenich Ave and saw papered up windows with signs detailing the number to call for real estate information, I was too shocked to cry.

Luckily, my friends are calm, resourceful women who are undeterred by the unexpected and we marched over to Panchito’s, a cute Mexican restaurant with comfy couches able to accommodate my crew on short notice. They had excellent margaritas, tasty fajitas and just the perfect amount of twinkling multicolored Christmas lights strewn about. Not only was Panchito’s accommodating, it is also situated nearby the delightful Bruno Bakery, ending our night on an even sweeter note. This birthday, I learned that you can’t expect common courtesy and professionalism (Thanks for the heads up, Maracas!). You should prepare for the unexpected/have a Plan B especially when there is a crowd coming. And sometimes when times get stressful, the most unlikely people can really surprise you.

Man Plans, God Laughs.

*Quote by Denis Waitley

Life Lesson No. 49 – “Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.”

prettywittyone — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 02:54:56 +0000

Last week, I bought my father a cupcake for his birthday and his wife said, “Where’s my cupcake?”

My response: “It’s not your birthday.”

When she proceeded to call me cheap, instead of retorting indignantly,”It’s not about you!” I choose to be the bigger person and not remark at all on her tacky and uncouth behavior. Why? Besides the fact that it was a trivial thing, I came over for my father. Not to be right.

At work, I was finally given the chance I’ve been looking forward to: the opportunity to evaluate a coworker whose work ethic and personal authenticity I have found to be sub-par. My first draft was really no holds barred. Saturated with what can be perceived as petty personal grievances, I soon realized that my evaluation would probably reflect poorly on myself and could possibly discredit any legitimate and constructive criticisms I mention. As others green-lighted the unedited review, I could have easily been satisfied, as well, but I decided to revise my comments until they were less of a personal attack and more a professional colleague evaluation. As I have turned 25 recently and I can say that, overall, my life is uncomplicated and content, and a major reason for that has been my ability to constructively criticize myself and to filter my words. There are so many times where we all have the choice to argue or tell someone off or give someone a negative review, but “life allows for an ongoing realization of how to deal with people” (from the mind of B. Rosser) and I’m learning that the best way to handle situations is to manage my own behavior, my own reactions, and my own utterances before seeking to regulate that of others. This way, I am more apt to look back on hairy situations and regardless of the result, I know that I carried myself with grace.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

Life Lesson No. 48 – Persistence Overrides Resistence

prettywittyone — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:30:24 +0000

I believe in the rule of threes. Once is chance, twice coincidence, thrice – and you have got yourself a pattern. A lot of my once single-and-looking friends have finally found themselves some very nice boyfriends. Well, actually these guys grew on them like a fungus and wore them down with charm. They are all nice guys but – women being women – none weren’t immediately on any of my friends’ radars. They were actually written off at first. Any allusion to Boy X being a possible suitor was quickly brushed off. But many months later, my friends are all suddenly in remarkably healthy and happy romances with these gentlemen, and why? Because none of these guys gave up. The recognized that each of my friends was worth the time, effort, and patience it took to get their attention and eventually make them girlfriends. Like water on a stone, persistence makes anything possible (within reason , of course – it’s not likely a stalker will woo their celebrity obsession into blissful submission). This platitude applies to areas of life outside of love and romance. If you want to excel in a career, oftentimes it takes working from the bottom and sticktoitiveness. If you want the body you have always dreamed of, you can have it but I guarantee your body will resist. You don’t usually have to persevere through the easy stuff in life. But the easy stuff never compares to things that called for persistence.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. ~ Josh Billings

Life Lesson No. 47 – Your ex is your ex for a reason.

prettywittyone — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 14:29:54 +0000

Recently, several of my girl friends have had encounters with their long-time ex-boyfriends. One got back into a ‘just’ physical relationship. One met up for drinks. One just looked him up on Facebook. All ended poorly. The ‘just’ physical relationship quickly started demanding more attention and then ended with disrespectful name calling and hurt feelings – just like the first time. The one that met up for drinks finds out a few weeks later that he failed to mention that he was going to propose to his current girlfriend. And finally, for the last, her friendly Facebook stalking revealed that he has moved on to a less attractive version of herself. Not one of these situations – in all their varying levels of dabbling in the past – ended well. Why? Because people become exes because for a reason – you don’t work for them or they don’t work for you – but either way, its a relationship that is over and is best left as a chapter of your life that is done with. You can pretend to be friends but 9 out of 10 times, that does not work. Maybe after an extensive period of time – like several years – you can dwell peacefully together in platonic bliss but I figure if you were serious enough to say ‘I love you’ or even just feel that way, it will only cause emotional trauma in the long run. I have found with my own breakup the best way to move on and continue moving forward is to simply leave it alone. I’ll admit that I’m colder than most, and I just cut ‘em. No calls, no texts, no email, no social networking. If it’s hard, and it probably will be, block them. Your sanity and peace will be your catalyst towards finding a happier, healthier relationship.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown

Life Lesson No. 46 – Women are too complicated to be “just crazy”.

prettywittyone — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 02:55:32 +0000

” Women are crazy.” I hear this often. And I am here to admit it. Even if I am violating some sort of girl-code. Yes, yes we are. But it isn’t crazy for the sake of insanity. Women are complicated creatures. First of all, we are constantly hopped up on some cycle of hormones. Second of all, when it comes to relationships, we are influenced by romantic comedies. Some may not want to admit it, but we have been conditioned by Disney to believe in some form of happily ever after. It isn’t even just romantic comedies, it seems like most movies entwine some sort of love affair into the plot-constantly perpetuating unrealistic, overly-simplistic portrayals of idyllic love. Then there are the daddy issues. A woman’s relationship with her father defines her relationship with men for the rest of her life. If that relationship left much to be desired, she will carry baggage unbeknownst even to herself. The lesson here for men is that there is a rhythm to the madness. Men need to build and maintain a level of trust. Another tip, women can never hear “I love you. You are beautiful.” enough. Even if “she knows”, it never gets old. Women are sensitive and complex and it can come off as crazy but crazy is a little too flippant to describe a woman. Listening is key. Watch some chick flicks, make a good female friend to have as a sounding board, think before you speak, and simply pay attention.

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. ~ Oscar Wilde

P.S. Not every woman is emotional and sensitive. The levels of crazy are like shades of gray. It varies. :-)

Life Lesson No. 45 – If it seems too good to be true, RUN!

prettywittyone — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 16:51:25 +0000

So, I’m a single lady now. I’ve started to talk to guys with the intention of possibly dating. Recently, one guy in particular caught my attention. He seemed really sweet and we had a ton of things in common. I could talk to him for hours on end. The catch was that by some random alignment of the universe, we met on AIM. I know, I know, how 2002 is that? Anyway, I was really adamant about meeting in person. I mean, texting all day and talking on the phone all night is great. It’s wonderful when you connect with someone, but if you’ve never met, it is really hard to count that as a significant relationship. So, in less than a month, he managed to come up with excuse after excuse for not meeting in person. It wasn’t like: “Oh, sorry, I’m super-busy.” It was more: “I’m on my way, darn, car accident!…”I was outside your building, but you didn’t hear me beeping the car horn!”…”I’m running to KFC really quick”…(hours later)…”oh, sorry, I ran into a really old friend.” The list (yes, there is an actual list) of lame excuses for standing me up goes on and on. So, even though, I really, really liked this guy, I consider myself fortunate. The universe intervened time and time again to hinder our meeting and even though I don’t know the real reason why, I finally listened to the powers at work and cut that fool off. The belief that things happen for a reason is a common one, sometimes they don’t happen for an even better reason. And in this instance, it was definitely too good to be true, and even though I would have preferred not to, my best decision was to run and avoid the unforeseeable disaster a relationship with this (probable) liar would have been.

“God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.”

Life Lesson No. 44 – Don’t underestimate the little things.

prettywittyone — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 04:30:23 +0000

I broke up with my long-time boyfriend recently. (Don’t cry for me Argentina, it was a birthday present to myself.) If I had to give a reason, I’d say “irreconcilable differences” plus a bunch of little things adding up. Today, he showed up with flowers, a teddy bear holding a “Happy Birthday” balloon, and stood outside my balcony on the street with a sign that said “Can I take you out?” There were even hearts drawn on it. Too bad (for him) this wasn’t a sappy ’80′s movie. The teddy bear was Walgreens-quality at best, the “Happy Birthday” just reminded me how he never called me on my actual birthday (two weeks ago), the poster was ten minutes of effort – tops, and then there were the flowers. Oh, the flowers. It has to be the first time in nearly four years of dating that I received flowers. I was 19 years old when I said “psh, flowers, clique! I rather get a daisy on a Tuesday because you thought of me than a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day.” All he heard, was: “I hate flowers.” Forget about the fact that I point orchids out all the time as my favorite flower and they are everywhere in the city – Whole Foods, street vendor tables, office desks – (that’s a lot of pointing out) – but I digress. For goodness sake, it’s a flower! It’s basically dead by the time it gets received. It’s so…tiny in the big scheme of things. But in retrospect, his stunt was symbolic of the kind of thought process or lack thereof that he put into the small things. Our relationship lasted so long because I overlooked and excused so many of these little things, convincing myself they didn’t matter. Every infraction in our affair was a little crack in our foundation until his final transgression (not showing up for me when my grandmother died) caused it all to crumble. Of course, for nearly four years of dating, he wasn’t awful and he will always be my first love but what I’ve learned is that little things matter the most. Your conscience is described as a “little voice”. The smallest act of kindness reverberates in the memory forever. Fortunes are made one penny at a time. The greatest conceivable things are made of astronomical amounts of infinitesimal matter and that matters.

“Snowflakes are one of nature’s most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together.”

Life Lesson No. 43 – You don’t have to choose between your best friends and your boyfriend.

prettywittyone — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 13:24:21 +0000

“I haven’t heard from him since he started dating that new girl.” “She’s only interested in hanging out when she is single.” “I don’t think she’s my best friend anymore.” I hear statements like these all the time. Women do it. Guys do it. Some people become so enamored by a romantic relationship that they neglect their friends. Wendy Williams recently admitted that she is that type of woman. She’s been married for about a decade but when she was dating, she took it “seriously”. Forget about balance. If she had the option to go to the movies with a group of girlfriends or catch a flick her boyfriend, the decision was simple – and her girlfriends would just have to deal. Wendy recognized this sentiment didn’t rub everyone the right way and asked the audience not to judge. Frankly, everyone judges. So, I judged and honestly, her admission left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve got personal experience being at the losing end of the best friend vs. boyfriend dynamic. Plain and simple, it sucks. It’s inconsiderate, unnecessary, and wrong. If the best excuse for such ugly behavior is that “this could be someone I can start a life with” – as in marriage and kids – than that is severely short-sighted. As far as I can tell, most marriages fail! And kids don’t make it any easier! But, friendships? REAL friendships? They are family you get to choose – God’s apology for the family you get assigned (no offense, family, calm down). When I am old and silver-haired, there is a high possibility that my husband will kick the bucket first and my spawn will have lives of their own so it’d be nice to have a friend to sit on the porch with (and yell at the neighborhood kids). Like most of my posts this life lesson is just my opinion, not everyone may agree – they may be hung up on crappy friendships that were no big deal to lose or relationships with their “soulmate” husband/wife. All I know is that when my grandmother passed away last week at 92 years old, my aunt paid tribute to her at the wake and passed a photograph around. It didn’t picture Grandma with her late-husband / father of her children (also known as Grandpa). It was a picture of Grandma and Lucy. Her best friend.